I want to say categorically that I won’t comment on any of these silly rumours that have been going around about Bryan Adams and I. It’s all just so embarrassing.
Sitting in my kitchen this morning I’ve been helping Rainbow, who has decided she needs to candle her ear. Now, before I go any further I have to say that I miss heard that when first she talked to me about her ear candles.
“Why would anyone put a candle in their…”
“No, Fiona! It’s ear candling! You know, using a candle to clean out your ear. Besides, if I was going to do that, I’m not sure I’d be asking for your help!”
“Why do you want to candle your ear then?” I asked, in all innocence.
“I had an abusive phone call,” said Rainbow.
“Who from?” I replied.
“The Crisis Line,” she said and then added, “They were very unkind. I just want to wash them out of my ears completely. They said I was a waste of their time. Jerry said I mustn’t speak to him again.”
“You know them on a first name basis?” I asked.
“It was very insulting. There should be a law about people calling and being so rude.”
“I thought they didn’t do outbound calls at the crisis line.”
“Well, that’s not the point,” said Rainbow petulantly.
Anyway, that’s how I came to be lighting an ear candle as Rainbow lay on her side on the kitchen table. As the wick burns down there’s a steady suction which draws out something disgusting into the ear candle. It’s all very odd. Rainbow believes it cleanses her ears of bad energy. I was more than happy to help with this idiocy. It gave me a chance to catch up with Rainbow.
“And how’s the training going?” I asked.
“Oh, my professor for the counselling studies is so handsome. I think he uses that coconut shampoo on his hair. I was doing this exercise in class, around interview technique, and I smelled him. Delicious,” said Rainbow with a far away look in her eye.
“I can see the world of therapy will never be the same,” I murmured. “A think they may want you to know a little more about psychology than the type of shampoo your professor uses, if you’re going to be a therapist.”