As I am writing this I am watching someone across the road. I can see them while standing behind the net curtains in my spare bedroom. Standing here, in a rather fetching pleated skirt and polka-dot blouse I can see everything.

I should explain. This gentleman has been very negative about some of my lifestyle choices. Ironically it all came up when going out with Sylvester to a costume party some years ago with Sylvester. I had emerged from my house dressed in ripped fishnets, heels that seemed to have been designed by someone who wanted to mutilate the feet of every trannie for some reason (probably suppressed memories of a drunken night where he discovered he’d picked up the wrong kind of gurl), and in the tiniest leather skirt and a ripped teeshirt.

Sylvester, completing the picture by rolling up in costume in a huge 50’s pimpmobile, arrived and called out, “Fiona, get your whore ass in here. We’ve got work!”

Sylvester thought this enormously funny, being an infantile fool. He giggled about it all the way to the party. And of course then we forgot all about it. Apparently this neighbor didn’t.

I think this trivial incident probably pushed home all the twisted prejudices and wild imaginings my neighbor had, as forcefully as if they’d been slammed by an industrial pile driver. And they’ve remained with him ever since. I see it in the look of disapproval every time guests visit my home. Though quite what he thinks I’d be doing with my appalling wife’s friend, Amanda, I dread to think.

Regardless, as I spy on my neighbor loading up his car, remembering all is disapproving looks as I dressed increasingly, and then completely femme, it seems just a little incongruous to me that he is dressed head to toe in a Confederate Uniform of the civil war.

He does that. It’s the whole re-enactment thing. As I understand it, it works like this. A bunch of likeminded men all get together and pretend to do things that culminate in orgies of homicidal mania in which they all admire each others weapons in a blaze of excitement and a release of bodily fluids.

Come to think of it, perhaps this isn’t so unfamiliar now that I think about.

I think my neighbor and I have more in common than he imagines.

😊

Fiona

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