Crossdressing — Do I have to be submissive?

I was asked a curious question by a member this week. I’d just got back from a dance class with Sylvester, my mechanic. Admittedly going to a dance class with Sylvester is a little like taking a gorilla for tea with the Queen, but it is nothing if not entertaining.

“If I am a crossdresser, does that mean I have to be submissive?” wrote my member in an email.

“What do you think,” I asked Sylvester.

“There was nothing submissive about the way you were leading on the dance floor,” mumbled Sylvester. He really can be most uncouth at times. I poured a little more tea into his cup, and was strangely reminded of a time I’d been taken to the circus as a child and seen a chimpanzees tea party. One doesn’t see that sort of thing these days, but the image remains. I think Sylvester might have felt very much at home in that company.

However, the question did get me thinking. I do feel that when we dress we do take on a feminine form of ourselves. For many crossdressers, the act of dressing allows their submissive side to come out. That’s not to say they ‘create’ it. It’s been there all the time, however they’ve not found a way to allow it to emerge. The freedom of crossdressing does open the floodgates somewhat.

So, the excitement of being submissive is novel and feels good. This is not to say that it’s the only facet of this new part of you that has emerged. Most people are, after all, both a little dominant and a little submissive. As one dresses more often it becomes quite evident that this new feminine side is complex. She is likely to be a feminine version of yourself, rather than the often used (but totally wrong) phrase ‘your alter ego’.

So, as you dress more often you’ll find that while She does have some submissive qualities, She’s likely very much like the female version of your male self. She also has few qualms about indulging that submissive side, if that’s what is required, simply because in accepting your feminine self, you’re also agreeing no longer to suppress those parts of yourself that need to emerge. These things are, of course, very subjective. However, having chatted with many members and friends it does seem to hold true.

As someone who is quite Alpha, when I am enjoying my very feminine self I remain quite an alpha person. I do so in a more feminine and feeling manner, but I do remain essentially someone that likes to be in control and feels comfortable in a leadership role. That doesn’t make me feel less feminine.

I’ve always found that those things we put our attention to will likely manifest in our lives. If these words sound a little like The Secret it’s more by chance than design, however there’s something to it. What we focus our energy upon really does seem to materialise in our lives sometimes. With this in mind, when I am feeling both feminine and alpha I often visualise the many strong women I’ve had in my life, or I’ve encountered or read about.

This also helps remind me that of all the attempts to raise feminist values in society, the most successful of all have been by women who have simply gone out and done things with far greater competence than the men that surround them. In short, most men are idiots. They’re also arrogant and insensitive. These are qualities that as a crossdresser, I am delighted to release. In accepting the feminine side of who I am I abandon the qualities that generally held me back as a person.

I enjoy the images on this page as they do reflect those more alpha qualities that are present in many women. As someone navigating the waters of the gender fluid I am delighted to channel this type of energy and seek it out. I’ve been very fortunate in my life to have been surrounded by strong women. Perhaps as you become increasingly comfortable crossdressing you may find this helps you settle into the most comfortable version of who you are.

Fiona