From my postbag…
I recently received an email from a correspondent who was in the early stages of realising they wanted to change their life and desperately wished to transition. However, they live in a very conservative area, are deeply involved in the church and the family, and feel that there is no way ahead. I wrote back to them, and having reread my reply thought it might help a few others who also feel that sense of despair around their situation. Below is a copy of the email I sent back. If you’re struggling, have a read of it. It may be of help to you.
Fiona.
… The first thing to consider is that you are not the first person in the world to feel this way. It can seem an impossible journey to set out on. However, there’s so much too it, that first of all you need some good information.
The first thing is to think about the scale of transformation you are looking for. It’s not as if you can wave a magic wand and wake up tomorrow as a woman. However, what you can do is start a gentle shift in who you are. It may be that you choose to start by a subtle shift to a more androgynous approach to life, your appearance, and even the way you think.
Once comfortable with that you can opt to go a little further, or choose to push ahead more intently. It’s really going to depend on your circumstances. One thing I guarantee, becoming increasingly genderfluid, you will learn patience and to be a little more pragmatic.
Starting with understanding more about gender is a really great initial step. You may want to read this -
https://fionadobson.com/finding-your-place-on-the-gender-spectrum-with-lenni-and-jules/
It will help you think about gender in a slightly different way. I cannot emphasize enough that the way you think about this is going to dictate how happy you eventually become. It’s more about what goes on between your ears than between your legs.
On this journey you cannot be lazy. You will only get frustrated if you fail to learn as much as possible and go about building an understanding, and a supportive group of peoplpe in your network to assist you. No one thrives alone. That’s why I create our great Whatsapp group. Being able to talk to others about this, and see their path (helping you avoid pitfalls) is priceless.
It may be that you need to adjust your own expectations. Perhaps you’ll need to learn to adapt your expectations and goals for a while. That’s what many others have had to do, if they have families or other connections that would struggle with this. Many of us lead what you might think of as Alpha lives, being leaders in our companies or communities — and that might seem at odds with embracing the feminine side of ourselves.
As you learn more about gender you’ll realise that that is nonsense. There are many Alpha women who have earned the respect of us all, and we can be as alpha as we choose. Personally, I run a successful business, go fishing and shoot stuff. That doesn’t make me any less feminine. When I put on my heels and walk into the bar, I assure you no one treats me as though I am anything other than what I am.
So, while there are no universal solutions there’s a few things you can do right from the start of this journey that will help you. My Premium Program is an excellent way to start — though I accept it doesn’t provide all the answers. It may, however, get you thinking about the right questions. I try to be available to all m y members to help along the way.
This is a hard subject to work with. However I have tried to make my site ease the struggle. It’s there to inform, entertain and educate along the way. Ultimately this is not something that should give you grief. It’s a wonderful part of you and will eventually bring you joy once you accept yourself, and create yourself as you desire.
You can find details of my premium program here — https://fionadobson.com/premium-program/
Let me know how you get along.
:)
Fiona
— http://FionaDobson.com
