Getting To No — Telling clients and co-workers to sod off without offending them. Part 2 of 4.
Part 2 — You’ve been handed a dead duck and you need to deflect it.
When the smell of Duck A L’orange fades and you realise the carcass before you is actually road kill, you need a way to kill a project quickly. These simple techniques will help you do the decent thing and bog the project down forever.
Most projects in advertising agencies run on strict deadlines, often dictated by media and publication dates. This offers the priceless opportunity to use one of the key business phrases that should be taught in every advanced business class. These words should be engraved on the heart of all who read this text.
“It’s far too early to discuss details like deadlines — after all — fools rush in, and we wouldn’t want that would we?”
Championing caution, for the sake of the agency and the client, has given many a clod the impression that I’m the responsible voice in the room. It’s also killed off a host of dead duck ideas that might have sunk a career.
Like all good methods, we have a back up plan in our back pocket should some conscientious executive try to push on through. Always committed to the written record, and email note praising the energy and bravery of the champion of the project is a good idea.
“I can’t help thinking you very brave to advance this project. It’s always inspiring to see someone embrace risk and liability for the sake of corporate or tactical advantage. I wish I had your courage!”
Other phrases you may wish to have close at hand are:
· “It’s a little premature to commit to such a brave course of action.”
· “We’re examining a range of options at present.”
· “We should really consider this after we overcome some of the scheduling conflicts that have arisen.”
· “I’ve no doubt I’ll find the time to give this the attention it really deserves, eventually.”
· “The legal liabilities are really quite intriguing, but I’m sure you’re aware of that, in light of recent developments.”
· “I feel I should personally champion this, however there are family issues that I feel bound to prioritise at present.”
· “I have to attend a conference at the Seminary. Perhaps after that my path will be clearer.”
· “Have you included the aboriginal perspective? We have a report on that, correct?”
· “Does this really reflect our values? Really?”
· “We should have IT get a look at this. I think they may have something to contribute!”
Any of the above replies will send the person handing you this project running for cover and wondering what it is that they missed. And sagely nodding as they retreat will convey both wisdom and that your experience should be respected. Adding quietly that we should “keep this between ourselves until after your review is over” is often helpful. This is doubly helpful if the person has recently had a review, implying that a corporate restructuring is covertly taking place.
Encouraging co-workers.
There are always phrases that can be dropped into water cooler conversations that can helpfully shake your co-workers. One of the most effective techniques is to wait until there’s a meeting taking place behind closed doors in the office, and by the coffee machine or water cooler, just nod to the poor sap that’s trying to hand off their project, and say knowingly, “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.”
This sows seeds of confusion, which for the inept and beleaguered are sure to level the playing field. Disrupting everyone in the company, while appearing to be the only person who knows what’s going on, is a laudable and lofty goal. A truly skilled executive will take a task that is at it’s core very simple and help it become so horrendously complex that it appears that they are the only person in the company that has any understanding of it. Entire careers have been built on this skill. Don’t take my word for it. Ask anyone working in local government. Digging a hole can be made the subject of licensing, policy review, legal liability, labor disputes, aboriginal rights demonstration and of course humanitarian law. These are the playthings of the skilled practitioner of “Getting To No”.
With this in mind it’s worth remembering that golden adage which should be written down and pasted to your fridge (preferably at home):
“There are no problems — only opportunities to complicate and blame others.”
In the attempt to bring the wheels of progress to a halt before it lands on you desk, you may also wish to ask if human resources are in the loop. Obviously the project is going to need to be done right, which will mean the proper training. Assisting by proposing a suitable training course for key staff, in another time zone, and preferably in another language seems only reasonable. After all, “We wouldn’t want to go in unprepared, would we?”
As one proponent of the practice of ‘Getting To No’ recently commented to me:
“I love the system. My career has really taken flight since adopting the values of ‘Getting To No.’ Most of all, I’ve learned never to be afraid to play the gender card. If I don’t the other man will!”
I thought he phrased that rather well.
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