Sylvester’s got his hog out!

“Where is Sylvester,” asked Amanda, having sneaked into my house. She’s rather like a vampire, once having been invited into a house it’s very hard to rid oneself of the infestation.

I fingered some garlic I was about to chop and replied, “I believe he’s doing what he calls riding on his hog.”

At this Amanda’s ears pricked up.

“He has a hog?” she said looking a little puzzled.

I should explain at this point that Amanda is the editor of that pillar of the media, Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly. She’s risen to this pinnacle of journalistic excellence after years of training as a journalist and a deep study of pork. I suppose I could go into the details of her relationship with my next door neighbour, Marjory, who is a rising star in the highly contested field of competitive eating, at this point but it might cloud the issue. The irony of her expertise in the field of sausage management is offset by her fiercely lesbian lifestyle and relationship with Amanda. I find the whole situation most confusing myself, so I assure you if you’re puzzled about this arrangement I completely understand.

“I believe that in this instance a ‘hog’ is a type of motorcycle. At least I think it is.” I thought about this for a moment. It seemed a little unlikely that Sylvester might ride an actual pig around the…