The Hidden Tell.

It is said that we reflect our innermost thoughts outwardly through physical actions. So, for example, a slight eye twitch on the part of a would be poker champion indicates he is indeed bluffing. Such details have always fascinated me.

There are books on the subject, such as “I know what you’re thinking” by Lillian Glass which make fascinating reading. The TV series some years ago called “Lie To Me” took the idea to an extreme, and illustrated it in an entertaining way.

I have noticed though, through close observation, that Sylvester does indeed have one or two such ‘tells’. The slight narrowing of his left eye when he is not telling the whole truth, for example. The fractionally open mouth and quicken of the breath when he’s consumed with curiosity. Even the slight drool that appears in moments of excitement. And, of course, there’s the increase in the speed of his conversation when he feels threatened.

Now, I am not one to believe that these things can really lead us to decipher everything about a person. Lenni, for example, is convinced she can faultlessly tell when a man is lying. She helpfully points out that it’s easy, “it’s when his lips are moving.”

So, you can tell that my curiosity was aroused this morning when Ali and Sylvester arrived back from their usual morning coffee at Tim Hortons, and after being innocently asked “how are you today, Sylvester,” he replied at lightening speed, “I’m fine. I’m fine. Really. I’m fine.”

I couldn’t help but notice the pronounced twitch in his eye, the gaping jaw, the dribble of drool on his chin and rapid protestations of being apparently ‘fine’. I must remind Sylvester not to play poker.

Thoroughly intrigued I felt I should pursue this line of enquiry further.

“Ali,” I said as he hurried toward the gate to my garden, “what on earth have you two been up to?”

“Certainly nothing bad, Fiona,” replied Ali, who was heading toward the rockery in which we’ve been noticing a rather disturbing number of snails of late. They eat the new shoots as flowers are developing and can be very destructive.

“Well, I find that very reassuring,” I said looking at the obviously guilty pair.

“Judging from your demeanor,” I said slowly, “something is afoot.”

Ali went in to the garden shed and returned with a trowel and a hammer, and then walked over to the rockery and started searching for the invading mollusks.

“They’re really quite fascinating creatures,” he said busying himself among the plants. “You know that in Australia’s their shells curl the other way. No one knows why. Probably something to do with the plugs.”

“The plugs?” I said.

“Yes,” said Ali. “The water goes the other way down the plug holes.”

“Could that be because they have snails in them,” I asked, still noting the way Sylvester skulked quietly about the place with guilt written all over his face.

I can recognise when I am being diverted. I’ve been surrounded by treachery and duplicity in the advertising business most of my adult life, and so have developed an instinct to know when someone is hiding something.

“I know something’s going on, Sylvester,” I said. Then turning to Ali, “And don’t pretend you’re so innocent.”

Sylvester looked sheepish and avoided my gaze.

“Ali?” I said. “Exactly what’s going on?”

I could see Sylvester shoot Ali a telling look. It told him to shut up and keep his mouth closed.

“Do you have something to tell me Ali? You look like you have something on your mind,” I said slowly.

“I was just thinking,” he said glancing at the hammer, “I’d rather be a hammer than a snail.”

I pondered that a moment.

“I’m not sure that’s how the song goes,” I replied.

Ali looked quizzically at me and then said, “there’s a song about it?”

Sylvester was staring daggers at Ali.

All of a sudden Ali burst out, “Sylvester kissed Amanda. Or she kissed him. Someone kissed someone,” and then he disappeared back into the garden shed.

Sylvester looked quite shocked.

“Well,” I said. “Aren’t you full of surprises!”

Now, I will remind you — as if you need reminding — that Amanda is in a relationship with my neighbour Marjory. As a result this is a most disturbing development. Fear not, I will keep you informed.

Fiona.