Three things you can do with a cucumber this weekend.

“Look at that huge crack,” said Sylvester.

“I’m sorry?” I replied.

“In this salad bowl!” he continued. “I think you should use the other one.”

Sylvester is quite a distraction in the kitchen. I motioned him out of the way as I brought out my best salad bowl. Now, I know you might be thinking, what brought on this bout of domesticity? It’s quite simple really, while I live in the beautiful Canadian city of Vancouver, my wife’s good friend (and the bane of my life), Amanda, has asked me to research some fun dishes she might be able to make as tariffs kick in. Like I have all the spare time in the world, so why not, right?

“What do you mean?” I asked after she asked me to come up with something creative.

“Well, I like to cook with fruits in many of my recipes, like Kiwi fruit or banana, and under these tariffs they’re going to be hugely expensive.”

“But I thought the idiot said he would bring those products to the USA and grow them there,” I countered.

“Have you tried to grow a kiwi fruit in Ohio?” said Amanda. Well, she is sort of agriculture adjacent, being the editor of Pig and Pig Farmer monthly.

“I see what you mean. I will come up with something,” I replied.